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Ok, I’m no expert and there are articles and websites and brilliant stoma nurses who can explain this better than me but I’ll give it a go. Essentially Audrey is a section of my small intestine that’s been brought to my tummy to help me go to the toilet whilst my large intestine (colon) heals.
Audrey is a loop ileostomy. Meaning there are two holes on my tummy. If you imagine a tube that’s nearly been cut in half (still attached at the bottom) and opened like a hinge. One part of the tube (the large part still in use) carries output from the stomach and the other half (much smaller and hidden under the bigger part and not really in use) leads to the colon. Because the small section is tucked under the bigger one - it doesn’t really collect any waste from my stomach - this keeps my colon in tact and able to recover from the surgey. Any waste from my body / stomach is all collected by my stoma bag. I often call the stoma bags Audrey’s dresses. They attach to my tummy by the best stickers I’ve ever known! I can go in the bath / shower with them and run in them too.
Because most of the waste my body produces is from the stomach it’s not like going to the toilet normally. It’s like a thick liquid that collects in my bag and I empty it about 4/6 times a day.
My stoma (Audrey) took about 6 weeks to settle down and start to process my food better meaning I could eat a more normal diet. You have top be careful with what you eat at first. There’s a lot about Audrey on here so I’ll let you have a look around if you want to find out more!
I’ll be honest, it is quite tricky looking after her some days. The Chemotherapy affects her (turns her purple) and affects her output - turns her in to a leaky tap haha. But the more I get to know her the more manageable she is.
When I first got her the wonderful stoma nurses in hospital explained that a lot of people name their stoma’s to help them process what they’re going through and also be able to cope mentally with the big change. It is a bit weird - I’ve not been to the toilet with my old bum for about 2 1/2 months now. If you’d have told me that a year ago today I wouldn’t have believed that was possible.
I thought about what her name should be. When I was first getting to know her she was WILD! She did what she wanted when she wanted. Stomas produce output whenever they want. Like for example, as I’m typing this now she must be making mischief - I’ve got a bulge in my running shorts so I know her bag needs emptying! Hahaha. She’s so funny. I think from feeling the bag she’s been blowing air in to it too… that’s one of her favourite tricks. She loves making whoopee cushions!
My nurse said to me “have you thought of a name for your stoma?” And I said Yes… “have you seen Little Shop of Horrors?”
She looked so disappointed in me! Haha. But I then explained. It was in an affectionate way.
I decided to name her after the plant on Little Shop Of Horrors who always wants feeding - at that point she kind of looked like the plant too (without the teeth).
I love Little Shop Of Horrors - Kate my girlfriend was in a production of it and she was incredible! Kate is so talented, she can act and sing… but she’s also shy… which makes me sad. I hope one day she’ll go back on stage.
Anyway, I digress… Kate played Audrey as in the main female lead and the plant is called Audrey 2. So my Kate is my Audrey and my stoma is Audrey 2. I guess that makes me Rick Moranis?! LOL.
Check out the song ‘Feed me Seymour’ that is what Audrey (my stoma) is like ALL DAY LONG!
This is Elaine my stoma nurse…
Thank you to Elaine and all the brilliant stoma nurses across the UK. The first time I met her I had to take my pants down so she could draw a circle on my tummy for the surgeon who was going to give me an ileostomy! But that was after about an hour of her being incredible and talking me through the procedure and how it would affect my life. I didn’t realise it at the time but Elaine effortlessly prepared me mentally and physically for what was about to come. So much so that when the day came I was ready.
I didn’t know how I was going to feel waking up from my surgery. I was even getting teary at the thought of having my tumour removed. I was raging - I kept thinking - that little 💩 means I’ll have to have some of my colon removed. I don’t want to 😭 Even though it was saving my life. 🙃 So strange how you stress about stupid stuff.
I couldn’t even think about having a stoma but thanks to Elaine I woke up from that surgery, looked down and loved little Audrey immediately! How could I not, Audrey’s helped save my life. I might have lost some of my colon but I’ve gained a little legend. She makes me & Kate laugh every day. She’s our little treasure / baby. Thanks to Kate she has better clothes than me!
I hope Elaine gets instagram because she’s AMAZING at what she does…. Like Jedi level. I’m so happy I got to meet you Elaine. Worth the missing colon all day long! Absolute QUEEN 👑
